Finally

I can’t believe I’ve finally made it to writing this here. I’ve been trying to dodge my thoughts and to avoid my discomfort for quite a long time now.

Truth is, I’m currently on the worst roller-coaster ride of my life! My mind is racing at a rate of a million and one thoughts per second. That was just the plain truth. The ugly truth, on the other hand, is that not a soul understands what I’m going through. Everyone is so damn indulged in their own life that no one gives a damn about what the hell is going on with you. And honestly, it makes no difference at this point.

I’ve contemplated letting go of everything. Just switching off my mobile and blocking everything and everyone out of my head for a few days. *buzzer sound* That didn’t work. I’ve contemplated so many reckless solutions that you would be amazed to hear, never put any into action. The ignorance, the blindness, the detachment, the lost appreciation, everything is just driving me crazy. What the hell is going on? Whose life am I living? I never came down to this throughout my life. I suddenly feel like I’m walking in someone else’s shoes. This was never the life I planned to live. This utter dependence, devastation, fear, emotional and physical stress, this was all never a part of my plan. I have no damn idea what on earth is going on in my life! How (and when) the hell did I become this pathetic person?!

I can’t take this load of nonsense anymore.

Why the hell can’t people get a hint? Why is it so damn hard for them to be so damn careful when someone just needs them to stick around?!

I’ve spent the last few days trying so hard to restrain myself from being indifferent. The thought of, “To hell with this, I’m not going to try anymore” is just so typically me and I don’t want to go there because I was never, ever able to pull myself back once I stepped into that zone.

There’s so much anger and distress building up in me right now that I’m trying so damn hard to contain.

I’m just sitting here, waiting for one last thing to push me over the edge.

One last thing.